Mary Kate is 5

FIVE! Really? It seems like just yesterday I saw her little heart beating on the screen, after which Joel and I drove from Griffin to Columbus to surprise our families with the news that Baby Kennedy was on the way...and there was a heartbeat. From that second on, Mary Kate has brought so much joy to our lives. She was such a fun, easy baby, a hilarious toddler, and is such an insightful, creative, fun five year old. And, she loves a party. She makes everything into a party. She decorated for a month to have a Valentine's party, she throws pretend birthday parties, she had a bike-riding party for Ford when he got his new bike for learning how to party, she gave me a "feel better" party tonight because I've been feeling icky from allergies, so you can imagine that when it came to her birthday party, it was going to be a bang. She planned this party for 2 months. Her plans were much more elaborate, involved, and costly than what actually came to fruition, but I think she had a good time. I was just crossing my fingers the whole time that she didn't bring up the fact that we didn't make her a stage for her and all of her guests to put on a Peter Pan play (something that she had consistently included in her plans...but was never going to happen). She is a "big idea" kinda girl and I'm a detailed moma, so we butted heads many times (I see our future ahead of us). Anyway, it was so much fun putting this party together for her and to have so much of our family here to celebrate this milestone together.

Both of my kids have been hooked on anything Peter Pan for the past 6 months, so when I asked Mary Kate what kind of party she wanted, of course she said Tinkerbell. We had our own little Neverland Adventure.

Click on the picture below if you want to see the album.

Disney World

(Click the picture if you want to see the album)

My mom has been begging to take Mary Kate to Disney World since she was 2. She even asked if she could take her without me...yeah right, when pigs fly. The plan was to take her when she turned 5, but it made sense to tack on our Disney trip to our Young Life All Staff Conference in Orlando. A major thanks to Granna and Nonna & Grandaddy for taking care of our kids while we were at the conference...and for Granna driving both of my kids to Orlando by herself. So, we've been planning this Disney trip for about 2 years. I was really excited when Rebecca and Ethan (my little sis and her husband) decided to go along. I only have vague memories of being at Disney with Rebecca when we were little, so I was looking forward to making new ones with her. The last family trip to Disney, I opted out in order to go to Pioneer Plunge (but, since I'd say that's where my relationship with Jesus really started I think that was a good decision). But, I was really sad that we were all going to be there without Stephanie (my older sister) since the twins are too young to conquer Disney yet. To start the day, we were all meeting up at the hotel. When I walked in the room, Mary Kate came running out saying "surprise". I just assumed she meant that she was excited about the day. Then, Stephanie popped out from around the corner. I was so excited, I started crying. I was so happy that I was going to Disney with my mom and both of my sisters. It made it even more special. But, I'm definitely looking forward to the next trip when we'll have Emma and Dalton with us too. It was an amazing 3 days. I must give a shout out to my amazing friend/trip planner, Mollie, who let me steal all of her research from the past 2 years and use her stroller that made the trip so much easier. As a kid, I don't remember ever being sad about leaving Disney or wishing that I could go back, but I was sooo sad to leave and I can't wait to go back. It was so....magical. The kids faces were priceless...all the time. The weather was perfect, the lines were short, and there were minimal meltdowns. The most stressful thing was dinner. We would always have plans to grab something after we got back to the hotel (since we were using the shuttles to the parks and back), but that would always end up being 9 or 10 at night. There were 2 nights that my kids didn't even eat dinner because they were conked out before they had a chance. We were always having too much fun to stop and eat while we were at the parks. So, the major thing we would do different next time is drive our own car to the parks. We did 2 days at Magic Kingdom and one day at Animal Kingdom. Thanks to Granna, Mary Kate got a princess make-over at Bibbidy Bobbidy Boutique. Mary Kate was so precious, loving every minute of it...and so was I. Ford got Knighted, which meant he got some funky paint and glitter in his hair and a sword and shield that sat on the bottom of the stroller all day. The kids had a blast hunting down all the characters for autographs, and the characters always made it worth the wait. Ford's favorite rides were Peter Pan and the Flying Carpets. Mary Kate actually rode Splash Mountain and loved it. However, she did NOT love the Haunted Mansion. She didn't even make it through the line the first time we tried. The second time, there was no line so we thought we could get her in without noticing, but the first time the lights went dark, she started crying and begging to leave. Joel was her hero and took her out. Personally, I loved the Buzz Lightyear ride. I could go on and on about how much fun we had, but then this blog would never end. I'm so thankful that we got a chance to go. And, I love knowing that the Kingdom of Heaven will be even better than the Magic Kingdom.

Fonduely Yours

I think we've started a new Valentine's tradition...family fondue night. I remember having so much fun doing fondue with my family growing up, but I've never done it with my kids. We had a lot of fun...and, we didn't burn the house down.

Solitude Retreat

I'm choosing to ignore the fact that there are many highlights from the past couple of months that I've failed to blog about. Actually, I started many posts and deleted them...mostly because I just didn't feel like posting and there was other stuff that I wanted to use that time for. Now, my OCD personality is resenting that because I'd much rather have everything documented...in chronological order. Before I talk about our magical time at Disney, there is one thing that I wanted to reflect on from the solitude retreat that Joel and I went on in December. I was soooo looking forward to this retreat, especially after our time in New Zealand (and sabbatical in general). This summer was such an incredible time of abiding in the Lord. It was like a big, gigantic feast. Then, we came back home and it was like I was living off of crumbs, trying so hard to hold on to what I experienced this summer. I was looking forward to the solitude retreat with the hopes of feasting again. But, I got there and I was so consumed with wanting something to "happen" that nothing happened. Then, I talked with our retreat leader and she encouraged me to stop holding on to what God did this summer and open my eyes to what he is doing NOW. Shortly after, I was sitting by a tree. Since it was December, most of the leaves had fallen but there was this one leaf dangling over my head. It's like it was holding on for dear life with the wind beating against it. I realized that I was like that leaf, and if I could just let go, there would be freedom for new life. "Letting Go" quickly became a common thread throughout my time at the retreat, and has kind of become my "theme" of the year. The following was my advent reading my last day at the retreat. It was incredibly fitting..."Praying means being constantly ready to let go of your certainty and move on further than where you now are. It demands that you take to the road again and again, leaving your house and looking forward to a new land for yourself and your fellowman. This is why praying demands poverty, that is, the readiness to live a life in which you have nothing to lose so that you always begin afresh. Whenever you willingly choose this poverty you make yourself vulnerable, but you also become free to see the world and to let the world be seen in its true form. For you have no need to defend yourself and you can tell loudly what you know through your intimate contact with him who is the source of all life. But this demands courage. If you are to make real all the consequences of a prayerful life, you might well be frightened and wonder if you should dare. Then it is vital to remember that courage is also a gift from God for which you can pray." (Henri Nouwen's With Open Hands) So, I've been trying to let go...let go of control, of trying to live an error-free life, of the world, of the past...and trying to live with hands wide open to receive the new things that the Lord is doing everyday.

Okay, so I didn't make it to talking about our Disney trip yet, but it'll be next. Who knows when "next" will be since it took me 2 months to blog about the solitude retreat. Ha

No Shave November

I dread No Shave November because that means when I kiss my husband I get stabbed with a thousand little needles in my face. Joel just doesn't seem to get my pain. So, I tried to convince him to shave by refusing to shave my legs. That did NO good. All it did was make my showers shorter and give me warmer legs. He was sweet to shave a day early so that I could enjoy a date night with my smooth-faced hubby. However, I continued to plead my case in hopes of him never growing a beard again. So, this is how he found me one night...We laughed hysterically for about 30 minutes. He called me the blonde gnome. And, I forced him to kiss me. I think he's still traumatized. Maybe, he'll think twice before letting them whiskers grow again.

Other highlights of November were...

Celebrating the first birthday of the cutest twins. Ironically, Emma and Dalton turned 1 on 11.11.11. I can't believe how big they are now. They are both smiley happy babies. I'm sure they keep Joe and Steph's hands full, but they are wonderful parents and somehow manage to stay sane with all the craziness in a house with twins.
Ford turned 3! We celebrated in Columbus with grandparents. The Lord definitely blessed us with a sweet little man. He just melts my heart with everything he says and does. We are so thankful for him. He teaches me about God's tenderness and grace all the time. I love that his favorite thing to do is give us hugs. We got some quality time at Nonna and Grandaddy's...complete with great conversation, "tractor" rides, and mexican coke.

We celebrated Thanksgiving in Lexington, KY this year with Rebecca and Ethan, Bandit and Mylie (the dogs), and Grace and Zeus (the horses). We were definitely thankful that Granna got a new, bigger car so that we could all ride together. We stopped by Knoxville on the way to prove to the kids that there is another college in this world. We took them on a mini tour, showing them campus, mommie's favorite restaurant, and the tree where Joel proposed to me. The kids loved getting to ride horses...and Granna even rode too. I witnessed firsthand how hard Ethan and Rebecca work. They have a lot to balance with barn responsibilities and their jobs. I think they're hoping that the barn will become their full-time job in the future. They work hard...but they love it. Tennessee was playing at Kentucky that weekend, so I thought it'd be fun to get to go to a game (and thought that I'd actually get to see a UT win...a rare occasion lately). We got the hook-up with seats in the coach's family and friends section. Of course, it was the Kentucky coach's families, so I couldn't wear my Tennessee orange and I had to cheer under my breath, but they were great seats and it was neat to talk to a lot of the player's families. We moved to the UT section at the half so I could actually cheer out loud. That was a good move since the game had a sad outcome for the Vols. Click on this pic to see more from Thanksgiving.

This is the tree where Joel proposed to me 10 years ago.
It was a sweet memory to get to share with our kids.

And, we ended November by getting our tree stuck in the garage!

It was a great month of celebrations and time with family. I'm excited that the Advent season is here. I've been realizing more and more lately how limited my love is and how broken I am. I loved what I read in my Advent book today..."We can only stay together (in friendship, marriage, and community) when the "staying power" comes from the One who comes to stay. When we know ourselves to be deeply anchored in that divine covenant, we can build homes together. Only then can our limited and broken love reflect the unlimited and unbroken love of God." (quote from Henri Nouwen's Lifesigns)

The Fun of Fall

Who said anything about the Funk of Fall? October has been the busiest month of our marriage as far as Young Life goes, but it has been incredible. It's neat to look back and see how the Lord blessed each event.

The Young Life banquet was the best yet. How could it not be when Allen Levi does it!

Clubs have been awesome!

We went to Sharp Top in the fall this year, which was incredible! The weather and the changing leaves made it a no brainer to do it in October again next year. We took over 150 kids (over 50 just from Stratford). It's so cool to see how God has grown Young Life in Macon over the past 9 years...and even cooler to see how God transforms kid's hearts over a weekend.

My cousins and I met up at my mom's house this weekend. It was fun to visit with Cortney and
Clare and watch all the kids play together. We went to the Best Nursery pumpkin patch on Friday, which was really neat because we made it on the local news. You can see more pics if you want (click on pic).

We went to Cordele on Saturday for a Day Out with Thomas. Ford loved it and hasn't stopped talking about riding the choo choo. When we got on train, they were very disappointed that the conductor did not come take their tickets, so one of the worker ladies talked a conductor into doing it for them. Mary Kate recognized her best friend from Macon there with her grandparents, so they all got a pic together. Nothing gets passed that girl. Click on Thomas to see more if you want to.

Saturday night, we had some fun looking at some old family photos and talking about Bopsy, my great grandmother. Clare has been working on our family history, so it's fun to hear about what she learns. My mom started reading a letter she found that Bopsy had written in 1974. It was about how she felt like she was coming near the end of her life and had some things to share. At the end of that letter started another letter that she wrote in 1989 about the same thing. Little did she know that she would still live another 15 years (she lived 106 years). I've always been thankful that we've lived close enough to family to share lots of memories together and I'm glad that our kids get to do that now.

Our annual Farm-O-Ween was last night. We had about 175 kids show up to smash pumpkins, sing karaoke, bob for goldfish (which were not hurt and are now living happily in a pond), and rave all night. The haunted hayride made it a huge hit this year.

I left the kids with my mom for Halloween since we were busy with Farm-O-Ween. They had a great time at Epworth's Fall Festival, although the ghost costumes didn't even make it out the door. So, they ended up just being a cowgirl and cowboy.

Thanks to awesome grandparents that make it possible for us to do this crazy ministry by taking care of our babies. And, thank you, Jesus, for making October awesome.

What I learned on Mary Kate's Field Trip

Mary Kate is a boy magnet. This is not something that I'm proud of or like at all. It mostly frightens me. She had a field trip with her class today, so I got to meet her classmates and their moms. I went to introduce myself to a group of moms that happened to be the moms of 3 boys. When I started to say who's mom I was, they all said, "Oh, we know Mary Kate. We hear about her all the time." I didn't really know how to respond. You'll notice in this picture that she is surrounded by boys. "C", the one next to her apparently gets up in the morning and says "I've got to get my boots and jeans on because I'm going to see Mary Kate today." "B", the blonde, has made her two gifts that he sent home with her this week. Today's gift was in a bag with a bow on it. "D" is the one in the striped shirt. He's the one that MK talks about nonstop. Her mood when she comes home from school is usually determined by if he played with her on the playground or not. Most of our special time after school is spent talking about how her worth is found in God, not what a boy thinks of her...she's 4 people...really, should I already be talking about this? Her teacher says that all the boys wonder where she is when she's not at school. I asked her teacher if she ever plays with girls and she told me that she does, but the boys like her because she'll play with them on the playground and not be bossy to them. So, I'm thinking that Joel and I are going to have our hands FULL.

I also learned that Mary Kate is a great big sister. She was so sweet to Ford, holding his hand, introducing him to her friends, playing with him, and taking care of him. It made my heart smile.

Thankfulness

I've been having some lightbulb moments the last couple of weeks. The thing about lightbulb moments is that it's usually something you've heard your whole life, read your whole life, and probably told other people about your whole life, but all of a sudden it's like a light comes on in your head and that thing you've heard your whole life instantly makes sense. It becomes a key opening up the door to a whole new perspective. I really don't like to read. In order to finally break down and read a book, I have to know that it's going to be a life-changing book. I have to have had enough people to mention it and encourage me to read it. I guess I have to know that it's going to be worth my time to read it. A couple of weeks ago, in the midst of the craziness with the kids, a friend of mine suggested reading Ann Voskamp's one thousand gifts. I've heard several other people mention how great it is so I decided to give it a chance. I hate it and I love it. Like I said, I'm not a reader, and this writer is extremely detailed and it's kind of a free writing style like from her thought process, so I just get kind of lost in all the details and scatteredness. However, the lessons gleaned from the book are life-altering. I'm only about half way through it, but here's some of the quotes that have stuck out to me...

This is actually a quote from C.S. Lewis "If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable; think of it a s a place of training and correction and it's not so bad."

"They say time is money, but that's not true. Time is life. And if I want the fullest life, I need to find fullest time."

"Hurry always empties the soul."

"I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment."

"When I'm present, I meet I Am, the very presence of a present God. In His embrace, time loses all sense of speed and stress and space and stands so still and...holy."

"The real problem of life is never a lack of time. The real problem of life--in my life--is lack of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks--take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks--and He miraculously makes it more than enough (John 6:11)."

In reading this book and in my time with the Lord, He has continually brought me back to thankfulness. So, we're fighting the funk of fall with thankfulness.

Right now, what is making me overflow with thankfulness is ministry with my high school friends. Campaigners (having a small group of girls to talk about life and Jesus) is my favorite part of Young Life, but it's also the hardest thing for me to get going. For 2 years, I've been praying and trying and praying and trying...and finally, something's starting to happen. Thank you, Jesus.

The Funk of Fall

Every year, about this time, the funk of fall starts settling in. It's like this dark cloud that comes in and just camps out over our house until around Christmas. I'm not saying that we're doom and gloom all the time, but there's just this heaviness that seems to be looming about. I don't know that I've even recognized it before as a recurring season of life, but looking back I can see how the fall is such a fragile time of the year. It's Joel's busiest time of the year, and this fall will be busier than ever with us taking kids to camp in October. It's the time of year where Joel's heart is broken over and over by his beloved Dawgs. To his defense, he has promised me that he wasn't going to care as much this year (and he's done pretty good so far). It's the time of year where we seldom get to sit down together as a family for a meal, and I rarely even have a night that I can cook a meal. Young Life is going 90 miles a minute. Finances always seem to be way out of whack. Everything in the house starts falling apart. And so on. Within all that is good, good stuff...like having close to 200 kids around Macon hear about Jesus Christ at club every Monday, harvesting a new crop of leaders, trusting the Lord for provisions, and building relationships with high school kids so that they can know life that is truly life. So, the funk of fall (or Satan) is not going to win. We're going to cling to Jesus and know that we are called by God, built by God, equipped by God, and covered by God (thanks Bill Goans).

Update...and then some

Well, the good has gotten "gooder", the bad has been eaten, and the ugly isn't quite as ugly. Things are finally feeling a little more normal at home. I really feel like our rough patch over the last few weeks has been mostly just adjusting back to life after this summer. I've learned a lot of things about myself since coming home. I was amazed at how fast I turned back into an angry, controlling mom. Some of you reading this may be surprised by me saying that (I doubt my sisters are) because you don't really see that side of me. That's what has puzzled me the most. I don't think I'm a fake or two-faced or that I try to hide my "ugliness", but that ugliness seems to rear it's head mostly at home (and it's not like I'm that way all the time...but I don't like it at all). After a lot of thought, talking it through, and prayer, I think it's because at home I can (or think I can) have the control. I can control how clean my house is, when I exercise, what my kids can do, etc. Anyone with kids is probably laughing at me right now. That's exactly the problem...when my kids get in the way of any of that (which they do 90% of the time), I go crazy. I get really annoyed at them and often end up yelling at them. Then, I spend the rest of the day hating myself for getting mad at my kids for just being kids. This has been a growing pattern over the past 2 years, and it REALLY bothered me. I felt caught somewhere between knowing it's normal to get annoyed by your kids and feeling like me yelling at them is going to damage them for life. I often felt like talking to a therapist would help, but I would always talk myself out of that by saying that if I just surrendered to the Lord, things would get better (which I wholeheartedly believe...and have experienced). But, after 2 years of saying that and nothing changing, I realized there's got to be something in between me and the Lord, and I really wanted it out of the way. So, knowing we'd be on sabbatical this summer, I had my small group hold me accountable to seeing a therapist. I'm hesitant to say that on a blog (actually, I'm hesitant to say any of this on a blog) because many people see that as a negative thing and have misunderstandings about counseling. There have been many things revealed to me during those times (fear being a major thing), and maybe I'll share more later. But, concerning where my life has been these past few weeks, I feel like 2 main issues have been revealed. 1. There is a battle for control going on between the Lord and me. So, I've been learning a lot about surrendering to the Lord. This has been an ongoing battle my whole life, but I finally desire God more than I desire control. I truly want God to be Lord over all things in my life. And, 2. Why in the world do I care so much about having a clean and orderly home? This has also been a dominating issue my entire life. I have always wanted things to be clean and organized. I can't relax in my house if it's messy. If I need to pack for a trip, everything has to be in it's place before I can pack. If I have a big decision to make, I can't make it with a messy house. And, I plain just like to clean. Cleaning is soothing and comforting to me. I don't clean to impress people...I do it because I like to. So, again where did this neurosis come from? I don't think anything is wrong with having a clean home, but I do think something is wrong with bulldozing my children out of the way to achieve it. On the other hand, I don't think anything is wrong with having a messy home. I often feel more at home and cozy in my friend's homes that aren't all neat and tidy. So, why must I clean? My friend (therapist just sounds too clinical) shared something with me that made perfect sense to me and has really changed my perspective on a lot of things. Basically, I go to "cleaning" for my comfort instead of the Lord. That sounds so simple, so obvious...but, so HUGE. I haven't allowed the Lord to be my comfort (who is the God of all comfort 2 Corinthians 1:3), or my refuge (for He is my refuge Psalm 91:2) or my security (He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress Proverbs 14:26), or my Rock (the Lord is the rock eternal Isaiah 26:4). I've been trying to create my own comfort with false security on shifting sand. It doesn't work. So, does that mean that my home is a pig sty now? No, but when that compulsion comes to clean, I try to go to the Lord instead. I've also tried really hard not to clean or exercise when my kids are home and awake and Joel's not here to love on them. And, this is only one of the things that the Lord has been doing in my life lately, which is why when someone asks me how sabbatical was, it's like a loaded question because there is sooooo much to say. The main thing I kept hearing from the Lord this summer was "I'm giving you a new home," and I think I'm starting to understand what that means.