Solitude Retreat

I'm choosing to ignore the fact that there are many highlights from the past couple of months that I've failed to blog about. Actually, I started many posts and deleted them...mostly because I just didn't feel like posting and there was other stuff that I wanted to use that time for. Now, my OCD personality is resenting that because I'd much rather have everything documented...in chronological order. Before I talk about our magical time at Disney, there is one thing that I wanted to reflect on from the solitude retreat that Joel and I went on in December. I was soooo looking forward to this retreat, especially after our time in New Zealand (and sabbatical in general). This summer was such an incredible time of abiding in the Lord. It was like a big, gigantic feast. Then, we came back home and it was like I was living off of crumbs, trying so hard to hold on to what I experienced this summer. I was looking forward to the solitude retreat with the hopes of feasting again. But, I got there and I was so consumed with wanting something to "happen" that nothing happened. Then, I talked with our retreat leader and she encouraged me to stop holding on to what God did this summer and open my eyes to what he is doing NOW. Shortly after, I was sitting by a tree. Since it was December, most of the leaves had fallen but there was this one leaf dangling over my head. It's like it was holding on for dear life with the wind beating against it. I realized that I was like that leaf, and if I could just let go, there would be freedom for new life. "Letting Go" quickly became a common thread throughout my time at the retreat, and has kind of become my "theme" of the year. The following was my advent reading my last day at the retreat. It was incredibly fitting..."Praying means being constantly ready to let go of your certainty and move on further than where you now are. It demands that you take to the road again and again, leaving your house and looking forward to a new land for yourself and your fellowman. This is why praying demands poverty, that is, the readiness to live a life in which you have nothing to lose so that you always begin afresh. Whenever you willingly choose this poverty you make yourself vulnerable, but you also become free to see the world and to let the world be seen in its true form. For you have no need to defend yourself and you can tell loudly what you know through your intimate contact with him who is the source of all life. But this demands courage. If you are to make real all the consequences of a prayerful life, you might well be frightened and wonder if you should dare. Then it is vital to remember that courage is also a gift from God for which you can pray." (Henri Nouwen's With Open Hands) So, I've been trying to let go...let go of control, of trying to live an error-free life, of the world, of the past...and trying to live with hands wide open to receive the new things that the Lord is doing everyday.

Okay, so I didn't make it to talking about our Disney trip yet, but it'll be next. Who knows when "next" will be since it took me 2 months to blog about the solitude retreat. Ha